Douchebag Velma

I'm a connoisseur of many a thing. This is where I put everything... so if you're tired of my shit on social networking, this tumblog will overwhelm you.

  • Everyone tells me that I look like Velma from Scooby Doo in real life. Don't be fooled, I'm like a crappy version of her.
  • I enjoy doing/seeing creative stuff... stand up comedy, design, music, decorating, making shit...
  • I have a comedy podcast that I really love to do.

    Here are some other things I like: Reno NV (I used to live there. I'm from there. It's nice.), eating at Red Lobster, WWE (seriously), drinking the worst beer I can find, cool stuff, and stupid stuff. is my stand up comedy website, if that's something you'd want to see. is a comedy website I run.

  • Recent Tweets @alyssapants

    I read this again this morning and thought, “That’s a pretty witty poop joke for someone who was really drunk.”

    Huh, ya don’t say?

    I sure do have a lot if sunglasses for someone who isn’t cool at all.

    Big Head McDogpants.

    Asker roytonkid Asks:
    Knock knock Whos there? Kenny Kenny who? Kenny we get rid of these mosquitos
    douchebagvelma douchebagvelma Said:


    Number 6.



    The Bentzen Ball Comedy Festival Presents: Church Night – October 3rd @ 7:30pm

    Hey guys! I’m super happy to say that I’ll be performing in the Bentzen Ball Comedy Festival this year!

    Here’s the Facebook Event if that’s how you like to roll.

    Here are the details:

    BYT invites you to The Bentzen Ball Comedy Festival Presents: Church Night

    Hosted By
    Reverend Dr. Stevedore Maybelline Bidet Esq. and Youth
    Minister, Kathy Piechota

    Performances from
    Alyssa Cowan
    Pria Puss
    Katie McVay

    View On WordPress

    Russia now goes onto the list, along with Texas and the Zohan, of “things I don’t mess with.”

    My classy bar dinner last night. Thanks, Adams Morgan!

    I wish I noticed sooner that one of the Beastie Boys was my server.

    Does anybody remember when that hot guy started walking again in Dark Angel?

    When I go to bro bars I feel like a pro wrestler, because when I walk into the room really, really shitty music is playing.

    Does anyone else think it seems like Julia Roberts is going to jump at the end of that Lancôme commercial?

    What a bargain!

    🎶 It’s my dog in a box! #dogsofinstagram #dogs #jackrussellterrier #bichonfrise